I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
