Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
