Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
