Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
