I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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