Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
