After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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