You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
