So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
