This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
