I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
