She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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