she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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