And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
