Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
