Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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