Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
