I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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