belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
