It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
