oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
