ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This baby is an asshole
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
