The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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