What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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