i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
