Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
