toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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