Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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