We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
