Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
