Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
