Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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