Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
