I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
