I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
