Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
