So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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