i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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