Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
