winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
