i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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