Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
