ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
