things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
