I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
