I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
