I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
