I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
