you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
