I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
